grown-up choices.

If I were to be cliched I would say that I am now standing at the crossroads of my life, although it is more like a T-junction with slightly wonky traffic lights. No longer am I a child trying to decide between plain or peanut M&Ms; I am now at a point in my life where my decisions will probably have long-term consequences, and affect more than disappointed tastebuds.

Right now I have a one-way ticket back home to Singapore after Christmas, but opportunities have arisen for me to possibly stay in NZ if I wish. Today I applied for a role in a production I desperately, desperately want to work on, and I almost don't want to get a response in case it's no. I fretted over the cover letter (or email, rather, seeing I only got an email address to apply to) for ages, worrying about tone, level of desperation, etc. My prayer of getting a shot to work on this production has become a mental mantra running on a constant loop that will probably never stop until I get an answer.

So many things could happen, depending on circumstances and chance, and I have no idea where to go. In a way I thank my lucky stars that I even have choices, that I have these opportunities that so many people never get to have. But at the same time it is difficult to make a choice precisely because there is no clear distinction between the choices. There is no bad choice, and no good choice, no black or white to help me find my way. My fear of regret holds me on the brink, loathe to say anything that will make things certain and concrete, because I am holding out on the hope that at the last moment something will happen to make it all crystal clear and simple, making my choice obvious. But I have a feeling it will not be so very easy. This time Life will want me to pay my dues and act like the grown-up that I am trying to be. This, my 21st year, will be a time of dilemma and tough decisions that will shape the rest of my life.

Help.

wellington highlights: l'affaire au chocolat

Right, so I've only been to this place once, today. But my experience was so lovely that I felt it deserved to be one of my Wellington highlights.

Today I headed to Berhampore to return my work shirt. That mission was unsuccessful, but afforded me the opportunity to visit L'affaire au Chocolat, a delightful chocolaterie with exquisite products.

Now, the place only opens 10am - 5:30pm on Wednesdays to Fridays and 10am - 4pm on Saturdays, but if you've got time on one of those days it is very much well worth the visit. It's at 464 Adelaide Road, Berhampore, so it's not in the most convenient of places for those without cars, but there's a regular bus to that area, and on a beautiful day (like today was) walking there from town can be a pleasant journey.

The owner, a dedicated chocolate connoisseur, makes her own chocolates in the store and knows exactly what is good and how to make chocolate taste the best it can. None of that mass-produced and processed supermarket chocolate is to be found at L'affaire au Chocolat (no offence to Cadbury and any other supermarket brands, I like you guys too). Instead, there are homemade chocolates blended with a series of other delightful flavours such as chili, honey, cardamom, etc. I got a hot chocolate that was made up not of drinking chocolate powder, but of true melted chocolate and steamed milk, with a touch of mixed chili spices which gave it just the kick it needed (for those who aren't fond of chili you can also pick other flavours such as cardamom and certain other things that slipped my mind - I was distracted by the vat of melted chocolate at the time). It was absolutely delicious, and as I walked back down Adelaide towards the Wellington CBD passers-by could see me pathetically scraping the bottom of the paper cup with my little plastic teaspoon trying to get every last bit of chocolate before reaching a waste bin. None of that super-sweet chocolate topped with whipped cream that you get at ordinary cafes (not that I don't enjoy those too), this was real chocolate, intense and flavoursome and punchy. Mmmm...

While at L'affaire au Chocolat I also managed to get Indonesian cocoa beans dipped in milk chocolate:

I also got to try Moroccan (well, I think they were Moroccan, I'm telling you I was totally dizzy from the amount of chocolate surrounding me) cocoa beans, which were much darker and bitterer in taste. Anyway, I've never had cocoa beans before, and it was incredible. Nothing like going straight to the source, eh?

Another big find was this:

That's right, kiddos. 100% Chocolate. Up till today I had only ever seen as high as 85% from the likes of Green & Black and Lindt in the supermarkets. But this is 100% from Pralus, a French chocolatier. Now, I am not really a chocolate connoisseur (although I do hope to be), but just looking at the chocolate and at the website one can tell that Quality Chocolate Lives Here. I haven't even unwrapped it because I can't help feeling in awe of my proximity to "designer" chocolate, and also I am afraid that the intensity of 100% will just kill me. But I am willing and excited to risk my tastebuds for chocolate.

To sum up, if you live in Wellington, but haven't paid a visit to L'affaire au Chocolat, your Wellington (and gastronomical) experience is incomplete. After all, this is the shop that led to me ringing my boyfriend in Auckland, yelling down the line, "THE CHOCOLATE SHOP IS MAGIC! IT'S ALL MADE OF MAGIC!"

P.S. Also remember, cocoa is actually good for you.

blogging about blogging.

As I sit in bed at 1:46pm on a Monday, enjoying the freedom and boredom of Having Nothing To Do now that university is over (and the grades are slowly trickling in), I find that there is not too much to blog about anymore, since nothing very particular or productive has been happening in my life. I haven't worked further on my scripts since my return from the South Island because coming home has also brought the mundane responsibilities (i.e. laundry, cooking, bills) tumbling back onto my head, making me feel a little bit more mopey and a lot less inspired. However, there is this one topic that I come back to now and again...

Last weekend a friend and I went to see Julie & Julia, which was a lot of fun and a total diet-breaker. Anyway, the relative ease of which Julie's blog seemed to gain popularity was something that struck me. I guess the number of blogs have increased exponentially each year, and now it's terribly difficult for just a regular ol' blog to suddenly become a hit, but it did make me think about the whole idea of blogging, and what a blog should be.

In the film it was discussed as if a blog should have one particular topic, and that the blogger should write under just the one theme, eg. about cooking. And I guess that's true; there are a lot of blogs that just dedicate themselves to one specific area. But does that mean that blogs that don't have such a clear single subject aren't as good?

I have had numerous blogs since I was first introduced to the concept at age 14. Over the years they have probably got less pointless and immature, but I don't think I have ever had a blog that was just on one particular thing. This blog is probably the closest I've come to streamlining content, and although a lot of it is about my films and my writing, it still doesn't have a particular uniting theme for all the entries. There are lots of random thoughts that I have had and sometimes I just have to write them down and share them. I suppose the thing that is comes down to is: why do you blog?

Due to the public nature of most blogs, and the ease with which I can publish something and put it out there, I suppose some sort of self-gratification and attention-seeking is part of the reason why I blog. But at the same time there is a lot more to it than that.

I like the communities that blogging has brought. It has become increasingly easy to connect with like-minded people and share thoughts and views by discussing one another's blog entries. Although blogging still cannot (and must not) replace physical social interaction I find a very real comfort in it because it is easier to see that I am not alone and that the world is full of people who love things just as much as I do, and that I can now reach out and communicate with them even if they are halfway around the world. In a way, it really does bring everyone just that little bit closer, and that's the thing I love the most about blogging, and that's the main reason why I blog.

And in that way I suppose I really enjoying blogging about all sorts of things. Although having a blog specific to one topic might be better in forming a community focused on one particular area, I like blogging about different things because I find it interesting how people and I might share common areas in more than one thing. It's always fun to note how certain people are just really quite like-minded, whether because of a naturally artistic/liberal/crazy bent or something else.

Why do you blog?

madness.

I'm not sure if I am too late with spreading the word, but I'm thinking that there's probably still about half a day left for me to try to drum up some attention and support for this guy who is currently marathoning romantic comedies (chosen by his wife) in a bid to raise money for AVERT.org. He is currently on his 8th film, Bridget Jones' Diary, and has already watched the following: Failure To Launch, 27 Dresses, Sex and the City, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Two Weeks' Notice, Gigli (just for this he deserves recognition, respect and support), Picture Perfect and Love, Actually. You can follow his experience via his blog My Horrible RomCom Marathon or on Twitter @RomComMarathon.

I'm having plenty of fun following both his blog and his tweets because I am a self-confessed rom-com whore, and to be honest if I were the one doing the marathon I wouldn't find it such a bad thing. However, I must add that his wife is picking films that she is certain he won't enjoy, just to amplify the amount of effort and sacrifice that is going into this fundraiser. It'd be like forcing me to watch inane pin-up films along the lines of The Fast and the Furious for 24 hours straight. I'd be crying, which is why he has my utter respect. Also, his anguished posts are entertaining for me, because I actually know what he is talking about in most of the films. It almost makes me want to have myself a bit of a rom-com marathon*, albeit for totally different reasons from Eddie.

So anyway, the point of this entry: CHECK IT OUT! SEND MESSAGES OF SUPPORT! And when JustGiving comes back up, DONATE (if you can)! I'll be trying my best to scrounge up the cash/PayPal account to send AVERT some dough when the site comes back up.

* If I were making myself a rom-com marathon, here are the films I'd watch:

1. Love, Actually

2. Notting Hill

3. Imagine Me & You

4. Chasing Liberty

5. The Princess Bride

6. Never Been Kissed

7. Bridget Jones' Diary

8. Bridget Jones' Diary: The Edge of Reason

9. Two Weeks' Notice

10. Pride & Prejudice (Wikipedia lists it as a rom-com, so that's totally in there)

11. Definitely, Maybe

12. Roman Holiday

13. Kate & Leopold

14. 27 Dresses

15. Penelope

16. Better Than Sex

quiet time.

Right now I am in Tekapo, a tiny little town in the South Island where nothing much seems to happen, except that it is absolutely stunningly beautiful with the most turquoise lake I have ever set my eyes on. The last time I was here earlier in 2009 it had been raining and overall a bit of a cold, gloomy day, but today has been absolutely glorious ever since my friend Jill and I stepped off the bus from Christchurch.

We've been to the hot pools, which has left me with this happy glow of well-being, and it just feels amazing to be able to sit outside the Lake Front Backpackers and soak up the environment; the wide open space, the lake, the mountains, the fresh air... everything. It just makes me feel so good to be in the openness surrounded by so much space. I just want to sit there and soak it all in with a smile on my face, letting my mind wander. I want to absorb all this calmness and keep it within my soul when I move back to Singapore after Christmas. Because once I get to Singapore there will be no more space, no more quiet, no more calm. And although I do quite like being surrounded by my loved ones (most of the time) I want to remember this quiet always, because it is a safe haven for my thoughts like nothing else I have experienced on this earth thus far.

Sometimes I think people forget far too easily how important it is to be able to stop and appreciate life, smell the roses and recharge. Especially now that I know for absolute certain that my time in New Zealand is limited, I think I am more aware of appreciating where I am at this present moment. I am more aware of this opportunity to just slow my life right down and look around me, think about what I have and how lucky I am to have it. And that's something that's so valuable, only we never seem to be able to remember to think of it. But if only we did, how much better we would feel in this life!

Just being here and relaxing after the final push of university assignments and productions, I feel so much better about myself, so much better about my life, and so much more open to thought and ideas in my work. I don't feel stressed or pressured into doing anything or writing anything that I don't feel like doing or writing, and I can enjoy what I write to the fullest. Sure, I've probably been a lot more productive during the uni crunch, but I feel so much more confident and happy about my writing and the ideas that I've been mulling over. And when I do sit down and get it all out it'll be all the better for it.

Seriously, everyone, please remember to slow down once in awhile! Look around you, and look out for the beautiful things. Think about this: you're alive. You're living, breathing, thinking in this environment, right next to the beautiful things you're looking at. Doesn't it make you feel great?